omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Randomize
