maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
