I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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