i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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