i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize