Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
