apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
