So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
