thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
