So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
