Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
