New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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