I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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