...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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