So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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