you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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