I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
