fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
