I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
