she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
