I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
