yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
