Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
