I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
