Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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