I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
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