Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
