I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
