I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
