I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
