This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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