I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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