Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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