my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize