I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
