Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
