if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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