My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
there is glitter all over my balls
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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