JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
