i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
