Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
