if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
