Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
