Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize