everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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