omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
