I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
