Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
