I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
