Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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