Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
