What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
