His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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