Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
