I have demons in me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
