Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
