Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize