doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
