I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize