I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
