Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize