how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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