i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
