I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
