Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize