I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
