I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
