his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
