It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
