What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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