if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
