; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
