Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize