There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
