worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
