This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
