So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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