you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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