Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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