i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
