Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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