im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
