just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
