I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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