god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sext me about skeletons
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
