What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
