I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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