Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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