Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
