I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
