you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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