How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
