I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
