He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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