u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
