a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
