I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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