I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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