to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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