Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
